Why has deceit become the norm in this world now? Where do I belong in this scheme of things? How can I feel better about myself? Why do I feel I cannot trust anybody. I cannot do anything about how people feel about me personally, can I? I do the best that I can. We all do the best that we can, right? Do we really? Lets think about this for a moment.

I feel that I pretty much stink at writing, but here i am trying to express and share something that I feel so passionate about. I am putting my self out there, not knowing what you are thinking about me, as a person, for doing it. There will be some of you who are going to think negatively about it, but there will be some of you who won't.

It's the few who won't that I am trying to reach. Its you, who might have been asking the same questions to yourselves that I have. Or who are just searching for a way out of some funk in your lives. A way to feel better about life. I know I am not the only one. I have known too many lost souls out there that are good people, but live a life of self doubt, persecution from family, abuse and self destruction. You, are who I want to reach, and give a hand to. I know how the mind can take us to places that seem impossible to escape. I have been there myself and I know how hopeless and frightening it can be.

With all of the abuse that has come to light in the last 10 years at the hands of religous officials, in many different sects, trust has become questionable. I, myself knew someone who had been abused by his catholic priest, but did not want money to take his pain away. He just wanted to try to forget. Of course he wont forget, but he thought the money would just be another reminder of it all. I totally understood his thinking. Trust is a really big issue. My brothers and I both were victims of physical and mental abuse at the hands of a christian orphanage in California. We were just 6, 7 and 8 years old and were there for about a year and a half. I was whipped with belts, and the boys, well they call it a cat and nine tails. Before going to the orphanage, My only sister, at that time, and I were in the care of an aunt and uncle who were abusive. I witnessed my aunt physically pick my sister up by one of her arms and swing her in a circle and let go of her. Just for crying for our mom. She flew into a door knob face first. The damage I saw to her face made me attack my aunt around her legs, bitting and scratching. We were whipped in the bathroom with a belt against a wet bottom, so it hurt more, for things I dont even remember. What could we have even done to deserve that? I was 5 and my sis was 4. My uncle was a minister and my aunt a social worker. They were revered in the community. They told people that my sis fell, cause her face was a mess! This is just a tip of my iceburg of terrifying incidences in my childhood, at the hands of " Christian Officials "! Just because someone has a label doesn't mean their heart is in the right place. It doesn't mean they aren't deceitful. They seem to be able to hide, usually behind money, and it doesn't take much money to hid either. It takes just enough to buy a good front. Here are some scriptures I would like to share with you now.

Matthew 18, 1-6: At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven? And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

1 Timothy 6, 7-11: For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and rainment let us be therewith content. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness.

My own uncle knew these things. He had the same law documentation any catholic, protestant, methodist, morman, etc.., ordained by God, administrator had. They all knew the word of God very well and promised to uphold it. So we trusted them why? Because a certain entity gave them a piece of paper saying so? It is my understanding that we are appointed by God, and God alone. As all the pure clergy appointed by God know, its in your spirit as well as your mind and heart. I have that same piece of paper, but God is the one who ordained me a long time ago. I am just trying to connect in some way, in showing that I know what it is to be abused and lost in this world because of past events. I want to be a witness of how you can have hope and overcome the feeling of no self worth. All of you who read what I write are probably asking yourselves, why should I trust you? Well I dont blame you. But, did you ever ask your priest that? Or your family minister? How do you really know anybody is trustful? Well you don't. You will always have to test waters to trust. You have to get to know someone before making the judgement to trust them. We at ecclesia are dirt poor and have nothing to hide. We believe in faith, which money cannot buy, at least not from us. We believe we are here to pass information and compassion on as a gift, not a product. We truly believe in a God that will return to this earth. We want to be questioned, we invite this. We believe that money does not belong in a church.

So with that said, our journey begins once again. I found out that it really doesn't matter what people think, we have no control of that. What we do have control of is our own words and actions. I grew up with plenty of mental hang ups and didn't believe God loved or even thought about me. I always thought it was the bloodline in me. I thought I was proof of that. Then I grew up, and that was after I had children of my own. It took allowing myself to be abused again and again by people I trusted, to finally wake me up. It took looking in the eyes of two human beings who I loved more than life itself, and saw their pain to fully wake me up. It was that day I began to pray and ask for guidance and the will to realize my own mistakes. Well, it did come to me, in the form of a comforter, which is the Holy Spirit, it filled my heart with the hope I had as a child. That feeling of knowing something was always with me. I realized how out of control I allowed my own life to be. We have to be responsible for ourselves in everything we do. That was the beginning of my journey to live and try to be an example of a peaceful existance. It was a new beginning and a new existance. Since then I have been growing and maturing. We have to truly love one another with all of our hearts and souls, even our enemies, so the rest can follow. That doesn't mean life will be all peaches and cream, it won't, it will be very hard, but I do believe, that is when you know you are doing your best. When you get challenges, you get lessons. If you pay attention, you will learn. If you learn, a light will go on in your brain, and your very soul will smile! And so will your face.

I love you all my brothers and sisters and I wish you all peace and happiness.

Your Humble Servant,

Pastor Juliana Morgan